Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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