I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
