You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
