oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
