I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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