His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Holy shit dude........stairs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
