it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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