I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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