No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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