How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
