My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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