If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
