i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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