smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
jump out the window naked night went bad
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
