If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
