I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
