You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
