Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
