is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
