I accidentally had phone sex last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
