You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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