I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
