everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
