Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
