my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
