People in love make me want to vomit
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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