Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
