I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize