She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
