So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
