she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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