your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
