I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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