I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
PANTIES FOUND
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