I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
