My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
