is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
