im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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