These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
