why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
