I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
