just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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