Christians are straight up FREAKS
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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