Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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