ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
