she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
this is an emotional support booty call
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