so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
