there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
