Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
