I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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