you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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