the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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