remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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