Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
