You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
