i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
