john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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