I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What a dumb baby whore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
