Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
