Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
