so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
