On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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