Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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