yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
