he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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