So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
