I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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