wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
